Wednesday, November 4, 2009


Marriage is not just something that binds you and your other half together to a long lasting relationship. Instead, it's a lifetime covenant with God, something that is Holy, something that you should keep and take good care of. And in my case, I want to believe it that way, but my husband is an absolute proof of the word 'otherwise'. '...otherwise, you'll end up being this...'

Something inside me has changed after getting married. I guess, it's my way of thinking. First, I stood positive at almost 3/4 of the time, most especially when I believed in him when I knew all along that he was lying and he has no idea how hurt I am inside to keep what I know just to avoid our multiple fights. Second, I tried to understand all his demands. Being the head of the family, the pressure that my family has put into him, the workload, the future. Though he speaks too much and I do want to tell him how stressful it is for me to listen to his cheerful nags, I pretty much understood that at the end of the conversation, it will still appear that it was me who spoke 3/4 of the time and it was him who listened to what I have said. Well, I have made it very unnoticeable that even I would want to think that's what had really happened. And the rest of the time? That's when we're both trying to calm one another. Third, I supported him in everything he does. The vices, per se, are those I can NEVER get hold of. If he asked permission to smoke and I said NO, he'll hide somewhere and smoke. If I said YES, he'll have it twice or maybe thrice. If he asked permission to drink and I said NO, he'll get a better chance, a good timing, after work, and he'll tell me he took OVERTIME and will be late for 4 hours. If I said YES, he'll enjoy at least 2-3 drinking sessions a week, (excluding the time he asked for permission) wherein his days off lie on two of those days. And our bonding? When he gets drunk, I'll tell him stories I know he wouldn't understand just to make him sleep and not to go back to his friends and drink again. We honestly have no time for bonding. At first, I do mind, but now that I feel that it doesn't matter to him, neither does it matter to me.

He's been patient to me all along. I get to have enough sleep when he doesn't. I get to stay in bed or watch tv while he does the chores. All of those were very much appreciated. And what's not good is that we're different. On his birthday celebration, I cooked a special dish for him. Something I haven't tried before. Though it tasted good, he didn't bother to even have a taste of it. I do not know what he's up to. The second time around, I washed the dishes, did the chores for him, cooked food, prepared his breakfast, everything which will lead him to think that I'm starting to be a bit more of the responsible type of wife, the wife-material as they say. But at the end of it, all efforts are useless.

If there are no television or anything I could look in to or enjoy, I'd probably be one of those people who make friends with their furnitures at home. Oh well, we don't have lots of them. Thanks!

I sometimes wish he'd never see me for a week so he'd realize how boring it is not to have a social life, how hard it is to be a wife, and keep the family together.

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