Monday, October 27, 2008

my world, a small world.

I am shocked. Yes I am. I did not expect to see him here. He was nearing the bench where I am sitting when she called him. He looked surprised to see her running towards him. And then she kissed him. She kissed him as if she had not seen him for a century. He still looked blank while she was talking. She has a pretty smile. Her thin small lips are coated with red lip gloss making it look natural and match her rosy cheeks. Her curly long hair is neatly clipped back leaving a stretch of long bangs in front. Her eyes are as blue as the sky sparkling at the ray of the streetlights. No wonder he liked her. The bus came and she waved him godbye as she made her way inside. He is still looking at her with a plain smile.

As the bus went on he started walking again to my direction. I looked on the opposite side and pretended not to see him. I jumped at my feet wanting to leave when a voice reverberated in my ears. He called me. But I did not look back. I pretended not to hear him and continued walking but he called me again. And there was a sudden quickening of heartbeat. I felt cold all over. My palms are sweating and my eyes are teary. I did not want to return but I heard footsteps running hastily while shouting my name out loud which caught everyone's attention. Then he grabbed my arms and held me back so I would face him. I was embarrassed and I felt crying but I thought that it is not the right place and time to burst into tears.

He surely is here. I have not seen him for so long. We lost contact since we separated. And now, I am thinking of the right words to start a conversation with him. A plain conversation. But then I thought it would be better to let him speak first and listen to what he has to say. My heart wanted to melt at the sight of him. He is still the same. He walks the same. He smiles the same. But he looks better now. He has a neat hair cut that emphasized his expressive eyes and heart-shaped face. He then let go of my arms apologetically and kept his hands aback. 'Where have you been' he said nervously. 'I am about to go home from work' I replied coldly. At that very moment words are not properly assembling in my mind. My hands felt burning and wanting to strangle him. I remembered the time when I am still so much inlove with him. I am unable to confide to anyone as I am afraid of their criticisms. My heart is in a dire condition, fighting for what it thought was right though meaningless. I am seeking peace but this is where peace has brought me, right in front of him with a breath away from each other.

I am too busy reminiscing the past when he wrapped his arms around me and tears just won't stop falling down my cheeks. I missed him. I always miss him. I do not know how it happened but it seemed that all my anger was taken away with just one hug. I know I loved him and might still be loving him but I also know that I will only get hurt again if I let my emotions take over. Without saying a word I got off his arms and stepped back. Fortunately, the bus I am riding is only a few meters away from where I am standing. I wiped my tears and ran back to the bus stop which I have just left to avoid him. I did not look back though at the back of my mind I was wishing that he would follow. It is impossible. He will never do such a thing. He is a total egotist. And the chances of him letting go of his pride is as low as the sun when it sets.

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